FrogN speaks

11-11-11

2011-11-14T06:55:00.000-08:00

In honor of the most joyous impromptu holiday that was November 11th of the 2011 year (11-11-11), FrogN set out with Squishy and their aunt in tow. They had breakfast at an interesting little French bakery, took a tour of a cathedral, traversed several antique stores, went horseback riding, walked through a botanical garden, went on a picnic (FrogN for the very first time), saw Puss in Boots at a drive in, and purchased the last Harry Potter movie! Of course, as with any family outing, there were several moments of interesting conversation.

The first, while at the botanical gardens in front of a tree with yellow-gold leaves.
Aunt: "You two should stand under the tree so I can take your picture!"
Squishy: "Nah."
FrogN: "Don't want to."
Aunt: "Come on! Pretty things should be stood under!"
Squishy: "Yeah, that's what happened to the Wicked Witch of the East. She was probably house hunting and went, 'What a pretty house! I should stand directly underneath it!' and then BAM!"

The second, while having a picnic in a small park by a swing set.
FrogN: (to Squishy) "Hey, do you wanna seesaw?"
Squishy: "No!"
FrogN: (?) "Oh...okay..."
Squishy: "Oh, you mean "seesaw"! I thought you meant "see Saw"! I was gonna say, that's a horrible movie! Why on earth would you wanna watch it?!"
FrogN: "Oh. Hah." (starts to walk back to car)
Squishy: "Hey, wait...I wanna seesaw."

FrogN hits New England

2011-08-09T07:08:00.001-07:00

So...FrogN has visited the New England portion of the U.S. in order to see her beloved friend Six-Eyes and has now returned! For a quick rundown of what FrogN did while in New England for a week, continue reading. Arrived in the Manchester airport at about 1:10 on Monday, drove into Massachusetts and ate at Uno's (great pizza), crashed at Six-Eyes apartment, purchased a subway pass, took subway, visited the Skywalk in Boston in order to see many wonderful historic buildings, including the church where Paul Revere hung the lanterns, ate at Fire and Ice (a very innovative buffet which cooks your food on a grill in front of you after you've selected what you want), took subway back to the apartment of Six-Eyes, had pizza from Two Brothers (great cheese bread), slept, took subway, visited the New England Aquarium (penguins, penguins everywhere!), ate Boston Style Clam "Chowda" at a Cheers replica restaurant in the Quincy, saw an imax 3D show on sharks, had cannoli from Mike's Pastry (in the North End, and is totally worth visiting), took subway back and crashed, had Dunkin' Donuts (which are EVERYWHERE in New England), went on a whale watch and saw oodles of Humpback whales (if you've never been on a whale watch, FrogN highly recommends going on one), ate at Krueger's Flatbread (even MORE pizza), went to Six-Eyes' and crashed, took subway and bus to the Boston Museum of Science which is just...incredible, took bus and subway back to the apartment, went to Vermont and took a factory tour of the Ben and Jerry's IceCream Factory (FrogN had pizza, Chunky Monkey IceCream and lemonade for lunch), drove three hours back to Mass. and ate at Denny's (because there AREN'T any where FrogN lives yet she still sees commercials for them), and flew out of Manchester at 6:10 on Sunday morning. Whew...FrogN is tired, but had an awesome time!

To Drive or Not to Drive

2011-06-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

One of FrogN's most favorite of worldly possessions is her car. FrogN has named her car Dreamchild. Today has been a rather traumatic day for Dreamchild. First, on FrogN's way to school, the truck in front of her lost something...that something being a large metal wheelbarrow...headed straight for Dreamchild! Luckily, FrogN was able to steer Dreamchild away from the impending doom and the two drove away unharmed.

Driving home from school, quite close to home in fact, Dreamchild started to make jerky movements whilst in the process of stopping and then refused to drive forward when the acceleration was pressed. FrogN cranked Dreamchild up and she (FrogN feels that Dreamchild is a girl car) proceeded to drive as expected...but FrogN noticed a strange noise followed by a burning smell. FrogN managed to make it home and popped the lock on Dreamchild's hood. After scrounging on the ground to check to make sure she had not hit anything/one (she did not), FrogN noticed something most alarming...Dreamchild was smoking!!! Of course being the calm professional that FrogN was, she ran into the house calling for her mother, "Mom! MOM!! Time to get up! Mmmooommm! Mom, my car's smoking!!!! What am I supposed to do?!?!!!" FrogN was most thankful that her maternal unit had chosen this day to take off from work.

Almost the End

2011-05-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, the world was supposedly coming to an end. Since FrogN is posting, that proved not to be the case. Of course, this was probably for the best as one of FrogN's third cousins (also known as a "first cousin twice removed") had a wedding. FrogN did not go to the wedding; however, her mother and aunt did. The two of them, FrogN and Squishy went out to eat post wedding and had the following conversation.

FrogN: "So, I guess the world didn't end today."
Mom: "Looks like."
Aunt: "Hey, you know what else was today?"
Mom, FrogN: "What?"
Aunt: "Doo Dah Day!"
Mom: "Oh! Oh! Doo Dah Doomsday!"
Squishy: "No...wait...Dooms Dah Day!"
Mom: "That's it! Dooms Dah Day!"

As all of FrogN's readers can tell, FrogN takes the end of the world very seriously.

Now, FrogN has heard of individuals who, while preparing for the end, gave away all of their wordly possessions. FrogN wonders, though, what was the point? If the world is coming to an end, what is the point of getting rid of or acquiring a hoard of worldly possessions. They would be left behind, regardless of where they are in the world. Just something to contemplate.

Picture This

2011-03-28T15:49:00.000-07:00

The creation of the cellular phone has allowed for many wonderful opportunities: readily available communication with a loved one, internet access to the world wide web, awkwardly clever little emoticons to which one may reply "lol." The list goes on! However, by far, FrogN's favorite use of her cellular device is the camera attachment. "Why?" some may ask. Why, because a camera located upon a cellular phone allows the owner of the phone to take pictures of things that are not really worth taking a picture of! Brilliant, FrogN tells you, simply brilliant!

Does anyone know what is fun to read? Lists. Everyone loves to read lists. Lists are easily read, numbered, and make one feel as if they have read considerably more than they actually have. Allow FrogN to create a list, now, of the pictures on her cellular phone.

(1) A printout advertising "ANIME NIGHT!!" on October 29 from 2:00p.m.-6:00p.m. at Suncoast...does anyone remember Suncoast? The "store for movie lovers"? They were in collaboration with Sam Goody and went bankrupt long enough ago for the owners who bought them out, F.Y.E., to be going through their own financial problems...yeah, Suncoast

(2) Two friends from FrogN's junior year of high school making strange faces...

(3) The front door to a really tiny library FrogN stumbled across

(4 & 5) A little green lizard purched atop the handle of the library's (yes, the one where FrogN works) door...yes, it was worthy of two cellular pictures

(6) The front of a box of Trix cereal with advertising "Swirls: 2 fruity colors in every puff!"

(7) ...a yellow, squarish patterned...something...with a glare...no clue what that is...

(8) The bus that the homeless people drive around in near the airport where FrogN lives...tis green and covered in bumper stickers...

(9) The sushi from when FrogN's school first began selling sushi

(10) A single, mini cupcake that one of the teacher's offered FrogN while FrogN was observing in her classroom (makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, doesn't it?)

(11) The sky...because it was raining really hard all the way to school and the sky directly over the parking lot was really really blue with puffy white clouds

(12) A snake wrapped around FrogN's wrist...FrogN went to see a friend who was/is pregnant and FrogN found that she had also come into the possession of three small pythons, so FrogN had her friend drape one over her arm...

(13) An old woman with purple hair...FrogN went out shopping on Black Friday; at Target, in line behind her, at about 4:00a.m., was an elderly woman purchasing about seven 2 liters of coke, 1 16oz coke, and 1 16 oz sprite...and she had purple hair...

(14) A camel from a living nativity that FrogN went to see...the camel had its picture in the paper!

(15) The sign from Zoolight Safari

(16) A button found in the elevator of the parking deck at FrogN's school...it is suspiciously labeled "restricted floor," made all the more suspicious by the fact that every floor is a parking level with no buildings above it...can FrogN's readers say "secret underground conspiracy?!"

(17) Someone from Kami-Con who was dressed in a kilt and flipflops...FrogN is not sure if they were cosplaying or not...

(18-21) Johnny Yong Bosch's rock band at Kami-con...he was a mighty morphin power ranger! (the green one) ...plus he voices characters in popular animes! ...and now he's in a rock band! ...living the dream, people, living the dream...

(22) A really, really wrecked car in the parking lot...held together with an assortment of bits of metal wiring and several kinds of tape

...and that is what is on FrogN's phone! FrogN hopes her readers enjoyed the (surprisingly long) list.

Birthdays, Elvis, and a Hybrid

2011-03-03T11:57:00.001-08:00

Over the weekend, FrogN and her family celebrated the 80th birthday of Rockin' Gramps (his birthday was much earlier in February, but it took three weeks to get everyone together at once). With his most recent of birthdays, he has officially made it possible for FrogN to state that her grandparents are in their "early eighties" instead of their "late seventies." Of course, as with all familial gatherings, there were some interesting conversations.

The original conversation began with FrogN's mother somehow coming to the conclusion that Home Alone does, in fact, provide irrefutable evidence that Elvis. Is. Alive. In the scene with the mother frantically trying to acquire plane tickets, there is a man standing behind her and to the right. FrogN's mother has decided that that man looks far too much like Elvis to be anyone other than the king himself. She said that she found it on some kind of youtube video. How she came across this video to begin with is beyond FrogN, but at least now FrogN knows what, if not whom, to blame.

Elvis led to the discussion of strange sightings, the look up of the nefarious video in question (which can be found by searching for Home Alone and Elvis courtesy of youtube, should anyone be interested), and the eventual age-old story of "the cat-rabbit."

"It had the face of a cat, and the legs of a rabbit!" voiced FrogN's aunt. "Sitting right there on the side of the road!" continued FrogN's mother.

FrogN loves her family dearly; she also loves that she is not alone in her eccentric-isms.

Discovering PORN

2011-02-14T11:16:00.000-08:00

So, FrogN was looking up information on different sight related disorders and stumbled upon a disease that assures FrogN that those in the medical profession do, in fact, have a sense of humor. There is a disease called "Progressive Outer Retinal Necrosis." Can anyone spell what the acronym for this ailment is? That is correct; the acronym is PORN. FrogN had never heard of this disease before and could not help laughing even though the full description sounds utterly horrible. (Retinal Necrosis...ouch). FrogN found it on http//www.wrongdiagnosis.com/medical/porn.htm. Go have a look if you so choose.
...FrogN would hate to have this disease and try to research it.

Oh yeah, Happy Valentine's Day.

Facehooked

2011-01-27T10:44:00.000-08:00

Acquaintances of FrogN have been trying to get her to create a facebook account for a while. The most recent attempt was made by FrogN's mother's ex-band director, an individual well into his seventies, while at the visitation for a church member who had passed away. His argument was that, "you don't have to post anything yourself, but this way you can know who's doing what and going where all the time." Now, "all the time" sounds a bit extreme at first, but rest assured that this is NOT an exaggeration.
For example, while FrogN was at the home of a friend who had a facebook account, another friend posted the following:

"Getting hungry."

"On my way to Jack's."

"Made it."

"Yum. Fries."

FrogN must now question, does anyone care? Most of the things written upon this site, does anyone care about them? Almost assuredly not. FrogN has come to the conclusion that, in addition to lacking both the time and the patience to maintain a facebook account, FrogN cannot because, and listen carefully, FrogN has a life! That is correct; FrogN goes places and does things and is, therefore, much too busy going to these places and doing these things to write about them. FrogN pleads with her readers, please, please live real lives! Or, if not able to fulfill that request, at least stop pestering FrogN! Now, FrogN shall go and do things and may or may not feel the urge to write about them upon her blog. FrogN hopes that her readers do not assume that FrogN has ceased to exist simply because she has not written in excruciatingly painful detail the events of her day to day routine. Farewell.

Forbidden Fruit

2010-11-22T12:55:00.000-08:00

It is the beginning of the Christmas season; gifts to buy, trees to decorate, cards to send to persons one has not had contact with since last Christmas. Good times, good times.

FrogN is reminded of a venture that took place last year at about this time. Here is what occurred; FrogN was dragged into the store by one of her "normal" friends. FrogN began to ponder the products found in a certain store, that store being Bath and Body Works. In case the readers of FrogN cannot tell, FrogN cares very little, if at all, for this particular store. Well, after FrogN's friend searched the store, looking for that "perfect" gift for her mother. Smelly stuff, smelly stuff, and more smelly stuff later, she found this all encompassing "perfect" gift in the form of a prearranged gift basket of products to be smeared upon the human skin to hide all of a human's natural scent and make one more reminiscent of a lower organism, that organism being a plant. Well, while FrogN's friend was questing, FrogN took the chance to examine the store's wares; the options found in the store normally consist of an assortment of fruits or flowers, and during the holidays, one can smell of pastries or mint. FrogN decided to share (loudly) this ponderance with her friend. FrogN's friend did not care, so FrogN continued (more loudly) to wonder why fruits were chosen over vegetables; vegetables are just as easily grown as fruits and are used in more foods. It seems completely unfair. Why would a person want to smell like something they eat anyway? It seems like it would just entice more people to become cannibals (the old, "you are what you eat" reference, perhaps?). Regardless, the subject of tomatos came up; tomatos are a fruit. Tomatos smell nice. Why are there no tomato scented soaps and lotions? Is it because tomatos are most often mistaken as a vegetable? The same could be considered true for the cucumber, but it is in many lotion and soap products. FrogN mentioned all of this to her friend (loudest of all) and FrogN's friend allowed FrogN to escape the smelly store of lotions and go to the food court, where there are many foods, all deliciously scented, that will probably never be made into lotions.

What are you?

2010-11-01T13:09:00.000-07:00

There is a person who comes into the library to do his work, and, due to his extreme car obsession, has dubbed himself "Car Guy." Well, today, Car Guy was asking FrogN about something to do with cars and FrogN, not knowing much about cars, said she did not know. His response...

Car Guy: "Well, that's because you're not a Car Guy."

And FrogN's response was, jokingly: "Or a guy at all for that matter."

Car Guy: "Yeah...what are you?"

FrogN: "What?"

Car Guy: "Well, you're not really frilly or girly..."

FrogN: (looks at clothing choice of the day: t-shirt, light jacket, jeans, unisex shoes) "Definitely not."

Car Guy: "...but you're not really...manly...either..."

FrogN: (strikes muscle guy pose...not too impressive) "No, not really."

FrogN leaves Car Guy perplexed and goes off to help other patrons. Later on, doing the holds, FrogN comes across "Death of a Macho Man" by M.C. Beaton and, of course, begins to sing:

"Macho Macho Man!

I wanna be,

a Macho Man!"

While FrogN was Out

2010-09-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

As FrogN has previously posted, she finally obtained a desk at her place of employment. It took three years, the transfer of a friend to another part of the country, and the hassle of dealing with innumerable patrons who had no clue what they were doing in the city let alone the library; but it was all worth it, as she finally got a desk of her very own.
FrogN's desk became the focal point for many activities. In addition to using it for library activities, Spud made his home atop her desk, FrogN did homework on the desk, and a jovial strand of decorative lights was hung along the side of the desk by the daughter of FrogN's boss.
Well, a couple of days ago, while FrogN was at school, the unthinkable happened. Someone broke FrogN's desk! "How does one go about breaking a desk?" FrogN's readers might say. Well, from what FrogN heard, the patron was leaning on the top of the desk (Note: FrogN's desk is/was basically a small table with an extra shelf running the length of the top of it; this shelf is what the patron was leaning on top of), when suddenly, SNAP! It broke.
Upon FrogN's return the next day, FrogN's initial reaction was, "Ah! What happened to Spud?!" because, due to Spud's position atop the desk shelf, he had fallen, and remained on, the floor near FrogN's desk. The shelf was perched in its original place, but it was not steadily affixed. FrogN's solution? Removal! The top and largest side of the shelf were easily enough removed. The trouble spots came with the screws holding the two small sides on either end of the desk; they were screwed into the table in a position that made it impossible to unscrew them without completely dismantling the desk. (Note: two years of carpentry did little to help in this instance) Eventually, after the finding of a screwdriver, some pliers and the failed attempts of locating a hammer, FrogN removed/broke the screws. The lack of the shelf means that the lights no longer have a way to hang, and FrogN will no longer be able to use her bulletin board, but she does have a new view of the tiled floor that was previously blocked.

The Phone Call of Literal Patron

2010-09-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

The month of September is National Library Month; in honor of this, most libraries offer some sort of service to its patrons. In the past, the library in which FrogN works has offered free library card replacement, a decrease in overdue fees with a coupon that is found in the (free) library newsletter, and, this year, a canned food drive. The idea behind this was, a patron could bring in cans, and the library would waive up to ten dollars of his or her overdue fees (at $1 a can equaling a maximum of ten cans for $10). Apparently, these instructions were not clear enough for everyone because FrogN answered the phone to have a conversation with a patron who had just left; FrogN knows this because while this patron was in the library, FrogN assisted her.

Literal Patron: "I was calling about getting rid of my fines."

FrogN: "Yes ma'm, we're having a food drive; for every can you bring in, we'll knock a dollar off your fine."

Literal Patron: "Oh. Okay. I can do that."

FrogN: "Alright. We'll be doing it the whole month of September, so just bring them in whenever you next come."

Literal Patron: "Now. Do you just want the can? Or do you want ones with food still in them?"

FrogN: "...we need the cans that still have food in them. It's a food drive, and we give the cans to families in the area that need them."

Literal Patron: "Alright." *click*

Now, that was the first week of September; FrogN has not heard from Literal Patron again.

A Day With That Woman

2010-08-05T07:09:00.000-07:00

FrogN has decided to take a day and document That Woman's activities. Be prepared for a long post.

At about 8:45, forty-five minutes after opening, That Woman arrived at work. As her first order of business, she assisted a person with the copy machine. Now, copies are fifteen cents a page, meaning two copies are thirty cents, three copies are forty-five cents, and so on. That Woman initially charged the patron two dollars. There is no possible way for copies to equal two dollars; that would equal thirteen and one third copies. FrogN did not say anything, as the patron made some more copies and paid six dollars which would be a plausible forty copies.

Next, she logged several people onto the computers and had a conversation with one of the younger patrons that comes in...

Child Patron: (mumbles) "Can I have a peach?" (admittedly, the child did mumble, but FrogN understood his question from across the library, so it was not that indecipherable)
That Woman: "Huh?"
Child Patron: "Can I have a peach?"
That Woman: "...do you want to get back on the computers?"
Child Patron: "No! Can I have a PEACH?!"
That Woman: "...I can't understand what you're saying..."
Child Patron: "Can I have a peach?!!! Like, the fruit."
That Woman: "Oh. You looked in my bag? I've only got one; if I'd known you wanted one, I'd have brought another one."
Child Patron: (dejectedly) "Oh."
That Woman ended up giving him the peach anyway.

It was at this point that That Woman said to FrogN, "Look what I did. Don't the plants look better?" Apparently, yesterday, on FrogN's day off, That Woman decided that the plants would look much better if she took the bottom portions off of the pots. Not only does FrogN not think they were meant to be detachable, FrogN now does not know where they are at all.

First phone call of the day!!! 9:13-9:29
Second phone call of the day!!! 9:39-9:43
Third phone call of the day!!! 9:57-9:58 (really short one)

At 9:55, That Woman approaches FrogN with a question...
That Woman: "Have you seen Blind Side?"
FrogN: "What?"
That Woman: "Blind Side. The movie. I saw it yesterday, and Tap (the director's name!!!) said it had to be put on. I figured you should've put it on my now. You following me?"
FrogN: "Oh. No, I haven't seen it." (Note: As of this instance in time, FrogN has still not been told by the director that there are new movies to be put on the system.)

Mini-rant inspired by later events. "And stop putting other libraries' books on FrogN's book cart! Put them in the box to be sent back to their libraries of origin!!! Gah!

Fourth phone call of the day went untimed as FrogN was busy with a patron.
Fifth phone call of the day 11:56-12:00 ended only because a patron required assistance.
Sixth phone call of the day 12:01-12:02 (another really short one made in order to finish up from phone call six)
Seventh phone call of the day 12:17-12:21

And then, That Woman went home.

Doc, Donuts, and That Woman

2010-07-30T08:25:00.000-07:00

One of FrogN's coworkers, Doc, brought in some donuts last week. There is a particular bakery from which all library donut purchases must be made, and this is where Doc went, purchasing a dozen donuts: six glazed, two chocolate, two cake, and two raspberry jelly filled. In addition to FrogN and Doc, three other people work at the library. The library director and FrogN's boss, does not usually partake of the donuts and was not there that day regardless, so that would be twelve donuts split among four people. Is everyone still with FrogN so far? Good. Well, another coworker does not come in until the afternoon, so that would make three people including FrogN and Doc. Doc and FrogN each ate one, leaving ten donuts in the donut box. Doc mentioned to That Woman that donuts were in the back. Later, after That Woman had already gone home, FrogN went to offer the afternoon coworker a donut. And how many were left? Four. That Woman took every single glazed donut home with her! The part that is most frustrating? Earlier in her employment, for her birthday, Doc had gone and purchased donuts from that very same bakery for everyone at work to share, and she had said that she was a diabetic!

Searching for Silver

2010-07-30T08:20:00.000-07:00

FrogN has often heard the expression, "Every cloud has a silver lining." Well, FrogN has decided that this is not always the case. An example? When something in the fridge goes bad. Think about it; not only does one have to clean out the disgusting substance from the fridge, but the money spent upon the food would have been wasted and a possibly nutritious food would have gone to waste.

Sweet Sixteen

2010-07-28T10:59:00.001-07:00

FrogN has a car which she loves very much. This car was purchased, used, when FrogN was finishing up high school. The year of the car is 1994. FrogN's car is sixteen years old; FrogN's car is now old enough to drive! In honor of this, FrogN has decided to give her car a birthday party, complete with cake and gifts...though her car will probably not be partaking of the cake.

This Should not Have Been Funny

2010-07-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

About a week ago, FrogN was reading shelves (meaning she was going through every single book and making sure that each and every one was in order). Well, at one point, FrogN came upon a rather large spider clinging to the books near the back of the shelf. FrogN did not feel the desire to kill it, so called Doc (FrogN's coworker) over to help her catch it and release it back into the wild. Doc came over with a piece of paper and attempted to ease the arachnid onto the paper; the spider began to run behind the books in hopes of escape. FrogN, attempting to get to a position where Doc could more easily get to the spider, began to move books. This did not lead to pleasant happenings for the spider. About two thirds of the way down the shelf, all of the books on that end of the shelf fell. They fell directly on top of the spider. And it was not a rapid fall either; they fell one or two books at a time while FrogN fought to keep them standing. The entire time this was happening, FrogN was sitting there wide eyed going, "Oh no! Oh no! Ah! No!!" Needless to say, the books were much faster at falling than FrogN was at catching. Doc and FrogN dug out the spider and finally managed to coax it onto the paper, leaving two of its legs behind due to the avalanche of books. Of course, halfway to the door, the spider fell off the paper and onto the floor at which point Doc squished it.

Fabio

2010-07-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

Now, normally, FrogN does not condone the publicity of celebrities nor does she hold a particular interest in the lives of male models; however, this is one time in which FrogN finds herself intrigued. Apparently, during the course of riding a roller coaster, Fabio's face was introduced to an obstacle in the form of a flying bird, resulting in Fabio being covered with bird goo and, FrogN is very sure, a painful face. Of course, the initial reaction of FrogN was not in favor of Fabio. Her immediate thought was more along the lines of, "Poor bird." That bird was minding its own business, flying free, enjoying the air currents which allowed it to swoop in the air, finding food as it was intended, when suddenly, "SPLAT!" a giant Fabio face ends its carefree life. Good going Fabio. Poor bird.

Commercialism

2010-07-06T06:37:00.000-07:00

FrogN had a thought the other day: every form of communication, travel, or fashion has been reduced to a form advertisement. Where there is mail, there is junk mail, when one is driving, there are billboards; television and radio both have commercials and special television programs even have sponsors for which they are required to provide extra advertisements. Helicopters and planes can even be seen to have an advertisement trailing behind them, so even those stranded on desert islands cannot be spared from this advertisement madness. Telephones have telemarketers, public transportation advertises on the sides of their own vehicles, free t-shirts advertise all of the above and then some, magazines and books have ads for other magazines and books. People desire clothing items which sponsor the brand name on the outside of the clothing, such as Abercrombie (notice that no one desires to walk around with a shirt that says in gigantic letters, "Walmart"? It would be the same thing.) Now, even online resources are abject to commercialism; FrogN realizes that spam in e-mails and pop ups are not new. That is not what she is referencing; recently, video sites, such as youtube, have brought short commercials that must be watched prior to seeing whatever it is that one actually wishes to see. The worst part of it all? The advertisements themselves are often much more interesting than the product or service for which they advertise.

A Bad Joke Courtesy of FrogN

2010-06-03T11:28:00.000-07:00

While in Tennessee with Rockin' Granny, FrogN found out a little bit about her ancestry. Apparently one of Rockin' Granny's (however many "great"s) grandfather's fought in the Revolutionary War. He lived in Georgia and owned a good bit of land there; upon hearing this, FrogN questioned Rockin' Granny if she, as a result, had inherited any property. The answer FrogN received was "no;" however, let us follow FrogN's continued thoughts spoken aloud..."Well, you might have had a tiny little bit of land. You could have had enough room to grow a tree. You could have had a Georgia tree. Or a bush. You could have had a Georgia Bush."

Yes, FrogN is even amazed by her ability to create bad jokes at a moment's notice.

FrogN's Grandmother is of a Most Interesting Nature

2010-05-12T07:33:00.000-07:00

FrogN has been listening of her grandmother's past exploits and has decided that they are of much interest.

First of all, FrogN's Grandmother (who shall be dubbed, "Rockin' Granny") did not have a birth certificate for the first seventy-nine years of her life. She was born in her house and used a certificate announcing her graduation from the first grade in order to get married and to acquire a driver's license. Rockin' Granny never told either of her daughters, so it was only after FrogN mentioned it in passing that one was created for her (FrogN does not know how this was done; FrogN's mother and aunt found/created it).

Next, FrogN shall discuss an event that involves FrogN. When FrogN and Squishy were little, Rockin' Granny would take them through the gardening section of Walmart and have them eat the ripe strawberries growing on the plants. FrogN's mother did not believe FrogN in the telling of this, and the issue was resolved only after a call to Rockin' Granny was made in which she confirmed the tale.

Just over the weekend, FrogN found out that on a trip to Yellowstone National Park, Rockin' Granny chased a bear. Not chased by a bear. Chased a bear. Rockin’ Granny’s road trips are never dull. While on the subject of travel, Rockin' Granny has a tumbleweed from her trip through Arizona (from a different time) sitting in a bowl at the top of her bookcase. The bowl is worth a few hundred dollars; Rockin' Granny cares much more about her tumbleweed than that bowl.

Next week, Rockin' Granny, FrogN's equally amazing Rockin' Gramps, and FrogN shall be hiking the tip of the Appalachian Mountains.

FrogN's PostSecret

2010-05-05T06:28:00.000-07:00

FrogN has discovered PostSecret, which is a collection of mailed in postcards from different people admitting to things which they had not before admitted. FrogN does not have the initiative to send these people a postcard, so feels comfortable in admitting her "PostSecret" here.

"As a teenager, FrogN did not rebel against her parents because she felt it was far more rebellious to go against her peers in their rebelling; FrogN rebelled against rebellion. "

That is all; enjoy contemplating FrogN's rebellious nature, and happy Cinco de Mayo!

FrogN v Jell-O

2010-04-30T13:13:00.000-07:00

FrogN likes Jell-O. Jell-O is a semi-transparent food that quivers when poked and comes in a multitude of colors. Add this to the fact that Jell-O is inexpensive and easy to make. Nothing about Jell-O is off-putting. In the last few days, FrogN decided that Jell-O sounded quite nice, so she dug out a box of strawberry flavored Jell-O as well as a can of mandarin oranges, which she had planned on adding to the mixture. The directions called for two cups of water: one boiling, one cold. FrogN failed to take into account that there was liquid in the mandarin oranges and dumped the entire can into the mix. The result? Mandarin orange, strawberry Jell-O soup that absolutely refused to even attempt to solidify. FrogN's answer? She added another package of Jell-O, berry, to the concoction with less water than recommended in hopes that it would sort itself out. That is not what occurred. Apparently, the hot water was significantly diffused by the pre-existing cold Jell-O water, so much so that the new mixture could not dissolve but instead settled on the bottom. Ironically, the oranges floated, meaning that the end result of the Jell-O attempt appeared as followed. A dark purple mixture (resulting from red strawberry and blue berry) with grainy, half-congealed Jell-O at the bottom, and mandarin oranges floating listlessly at the top. FrogN ate the oranges, used a straw to drink the top layer of juice, and poured the rest down the drain; her next attempt will be with lime Jell-O. Wish her luck.

FrogN's Easter

2010-04-07T15:26:00.000-07:00

Well, as did many other individuals, FrogN celebrated the Easter holidays this past week. Two points of interest occurred that FrogN feels worth mentioning.

First of all, as is the time honored tradition, there was the need to create Easter eggs. This year, FrogN's family seemed disinclined to participate with said tradition, and FrogN took it upon herself to fill this role. FrogN created Mario Easter eggs. One dozen eggs with a different beloved Mario reference on each egg. (If anyone desires to see the eggs, the link is www.runfroggyrun.deviantart.com)

The second interesting discovery was made a bit after Easter Sunday. It all started when FrogN mentioned that she was going to buy Peeps so that she could make them increase in size in the microwave; it was then mentioned to FrogN that she should make smores out of the gargantuan marshmallow chicks. FrogN repeated this idea to someone else who in turn suggested using left over chocolate rabbits for an ingredient as well. Thus suggestions led to the creation of the "After Easter Smores" tradition that FrogN and Squishy have just decided to begin. It must always take place after the holiday itself so that two of the three ingredients may be purchased at clearance price (it also seems much more entertaining for some odd reason). The ingredients are graham crackers, Peeps, and a chocolate rabbit (FrogN prefers to use the hollow three dimensional rabbits, but that is just her opinion).

FrogN's Findings

2010-03-22T13:25:00.000-07:00

First of all, FrogN would like to say that she is prone to picking things up off the ground. She is a naturally curious individual and, upon seeing something shiny or a bright color, will not hesitate to go have a look.

As of late, FrogN has begun to come across things of more interest. Just considering what FrogN has picked up off the ground, she has found a little over six dollars. FrogN's car has found around twelve cents; FrogN realizes that everyone may not know what FrogN means by this. FrogN means that when FrogN parks her car, upon immediately exiting the car, there is a coin beside the car in the parking space; therefore, FrogN's car found the money, not FrogN. FrogN has also come across several "Crazy Bands." These include a red Santa head, a green dollar sign, a small Christmas tree, a purple stocking, and a red giraffe that turned out to be broken. A pocket mirror of about the size of a credit card was found as well; sadly, the mirror is no longer with us due to the fact that FrogN does not always watch where she is walking and it had fallen on the floor.

Several bookmarks have been found in books that FrogN has either checked out from the library or purchased from the thrift store. The most recent one has a kitten on it; FrogN's favorite features a yellow sports car.

What actually spawned this blog entry was given to FrogN as payment for a copy today at work; the little boy was making several copies of his report card and handed FrogN what he thought was a quarter. It turned out to be a Hungarian coin for ten forints (about five cents in America). FrogN supplemented the quarter for the print and is keeping the coin for her own collection of miscellaneous objects which FrogN has acquired.

Before FrogN leaves, allow her to tell of a website that FrogN has grown to like: paperbackswap.com. This site allows a user to post a book that he or she no longer wants and recieve books from other members in exchange for sending them out (all a person would pay for would be the postage necessary to send out books; so far, FrogN has sent three books and has received three books).

Battle of the Races and Cubism

2010-02-19T12:17:00.000-08:00

Since FrogN's last update, the library in which FrogN works has acquired a new worker. She is a small, elderly black woman, who from this point on, shall be dubbed, "That Woman." Well, during the month of December (yes, FrogN procrastinates quite readily), the library was closed for the purpose of inventory. This means that the employees had to go through with a list (which was literally several thousand pages long) and make sure that the items on the list were accounted for, either on the shelves or checked out to a patron. Well, on one such day, FrogN and company decided to have pizza for lunch rather than go their separate ways to eat. Over the course of the meal, somehow it came up that FrogN's grandmother was Italian. That Woman's immediate response to this was, "Oh, was anyone in your family in the mafia?" FrogN was caught a bit off guard by this question but replied, she felt, accordingly, "None that are still alive." That Woman was silent for a sufficient amount of time for FrogN to assume that the topic discussion had come to a close. FrogN was wrong. That Woman commented, seemingly out of the blue, "You know, used to, when the neighborhoods were separate, we used to call people like you all dagos." FrogN was at first shocked, followed by amused, upon later consideration, offended, and has returned to being amused.

For FrogN's next topic, she would like to speak of man's most evil of inventions: the Rubik's Cube. Allow FrogN to start off by saying that she has killed no less than three of these over the course of her lifetime. The first one was a result of FrogN being about four years old and peeling all of the stickers off in order to make her mother think that FrogN had actually solved it (FrogN was a sneaky little tadpole). The second destroyed cube did not, in fact, belong to FrogN but was Squishy's; FrogN apparently twisted it in the wrong direction, and it shattered. The last Rubik's Cube, FrogN was especially sad to see go because FrogN bought it as a souvenir from Disney World; the bag that the cube was in fell over, and the poor cube broke apart. FrogN has since then set herself on a quest to solve the elusive cube; she recently purchased one, only to discover that this one is by far trickier due to the fact that two opposite sides contain the same pattern (there are shimmery hearts that have to face certain ways; quite tricky). In addition, several, more difficult, cubes have surfaced to FrogN: the Sudoku Rubik, The Mini Fused Rubik, and the Star Rubik. Now, these are only the ones FrogN has seen with her own eyes. Google features many more unique cubes that FrogN has never before seen but do look like fun to try to work. So FrogN perseveres!

Ripping Sounds

2009-11-22T12:53:00.000-08:00

Before FrogN starts, she would just like all of her beloved readers to know that she is extremely proud of her accomplishment (minimal though it may be). Allow FrogN to begin by stating how this notion was put into her head. She was browsing the internet, reading short, humorous anecdotes, when she came upon someone who had discovered a key bit of knowledge. This knowledge allowed for ordinary people (such as FrogN) to perform acts of seemingly superhuman strength. Well, FrogN is never one to simply accept information at face value, so she did her own research on the topic. Believe it or not, it was incredibly simple to find the desired information via Google, and FrogN has spent the last half hour or so completing her self-imposed task. The effort caused her fingers to become sore, her breathing to become labored, and (according to Squishy, FrogN's eyewitness) her face to become bright red. Regardless, FrogN mananged to struggle through the strenuous task. The task itself? The task of ripping a phonebook in half, yellowpages if anyone cares.

Scott Free

2009-11-06T14:05:00.000-08:00

FrogN is once more speaking on the ills of telecommunications. Earlier in the day, FrogN answered the phone at work; the person on the other end requested to speak with her boyfriend, "Scott." Unfortunately for this person, "Scott" was not at the library; she then went on to ask if he had been at the library prior to her calling. FrogN explained to the woman that he was not there now (as FrogN had yelled quite loudly throughout the library, asking if anyone by the name of "Scott" were around) and if he had been at the library earlier in the day, than no one at the library would know due to the fact that many people enter and leave the library over the course of the day. She paused for quite a lengthy amount of time and then hung up. That was the first call.

Approximately ten minutes later, the phone rang again. It was the same person requesting if "Scott" had yet arrived. The conversation went as follows.

Mystery Caller: "Is Scott there yet?"

FrogN: "No ma'm. The only people here are several women on the computers."

Mystery Caller: "Well, let me talk to them."

FrogN: "... ... ...do you know them?"

Mystery Caller: "They might have seen Scott; let me talk to them."

FrogN: "...I'll go ask if anyone here knows Scott."

(FrogN goes and asks the patrons if they have seen "Scott;" they have not and look at FrogN strangely for the remainder of the day)

FrogN: "No one here has seen Scott."

Mystery Caller: "..." (hangs up)

For the last call, more than half an hour had passed. FrogN, thinking that it was extremely unlikely for the same person to call again, answered the phone to hear the same woman on the other end, close to tears, say:

Mystery Caller: "He isn't answering his phone, and he isn't at his house. I just don't know what to do."

FrogN: "Ma'm, he still isn't here."

Mystery Caller: "Who isn't?"

FrogN: "You did call earlier asking for Scott, didn't you?"

Mystery Caller: "...yeah"

FrogN: "Well, Scott still hasn't come in. This is a public library; there really isn't anything we can do if he isn't here."

Mystery Caller: "... ... ..." (hangs up)

FrogN has decided that if she were "Scott," she would not answer her phone either.

The Library Ninja

2009-11-04T10:31:00.000-08:00

FrogN has become suspicious of one of the patrons.

Each day, a woman (thusly dubbed, "Ninja Patron") comes in to use the library's Wi-Fi; however, FrogN never sees her leave. Today, FrogN noted that Ninja Patron was sitting on the couch behind FrogN (FrogN came to work about noon, so does not know at what time Ninja Patron arrived). A little later, FrogN noticed Ninja Patron come in through the library's front door and walk back to the couch. FrogN never saw her walk away from the couch, and there is not an exit located behind FrogN, so the only way Ninja Patron could have left was to have walked directly in front of FrogN. After seeing her reentry, FrogN made a note to make a conscious effort to keep track of Ninja Patron for the duration of her stay, so that FrogN would notice when Ninja Patron left again.

FrogN just looked behind her to see if Ninja Patron was getting ready to leave yet or not. Ninja Patron is gone.

All's Fair

2009-10-22T06:08:00.001-07:00

FrogN was lucky enough to attend the Texas State Fair over the weekend. Please, allow FrogN to tell of her fair experience. Upon entry, FrogN went on one ride; she then had a snack: a Fletcher's world famous corndog (as advertised on the sign) and lemonade. Next, and a must for anyone ever to attend the Texas State Fair, FrogN went on the Texas Star, the largest ferris wheel FrogN has ever seen, and when FrogN says big, she means BIG. FrogN saw the ferris wheel from the air as she was flying into Dallas: BIG! Next, there was a bird show (FrogN did see a butterfly garden and planetarium prior, but they were not really part of the fair; they were just along the way); the birds were fun...and disobedient. FrogN purchased a bubble gun. Also, at the fair was a very large building devoted to things one might purchase: jewelry, furniture, teeth whitening kits, etc. FrogN purchased nachos; she would have purchased "fried strawberries" for the sake of trying new things; however, they were out. Next came the games; FrogN did not play the games. This is because FrogN never wins at the games; fortunately for FrogN, one of her companions set his sights on obtaining a prize for FrogN. He did not set out at just any booth either; FrogN had seen stuffed bananas all along the game booths and decided she wanted one. Now, the ones FrogN had seen might have been two feet in length; the one FrogN actually got is literally as big as she is. A point of interest: the banana was too big to transport via aircraft, so Awesome Texas Friend (and yes, that is how FrogN will refer to him from now on) will be bringing the banana with him the next time he drives to Birmingham. FrogN got a free T-shirt from some Camero survey, tried fried butter (tastes like a little biscuit), got a cherry limeade, and went on two roller coasters. FrogN grabbed some fries for the road. Next, FrogN, Awesome Texas Friend, and co. went in search of animals. FrogN saw farm animals! There were longhorn everywhere! And, even though FrogN is afraid of cows, the longhorn did not bother her. After the animals, FrogN had teriyaki chicken and rice, sweet Jalapeño corn dog shrimp, more lemonade and cotton candy. And that, FrogN's friends, is the Texas State Fair!

Mr. President

2009-10-12T16:00:00.000-07:00

This is something that is outdated enough that FrogN feels that she can speak of it without causing undue insult to the parties discussed. After having read this entry from a MySpace account, dear Six-Eyes decided to enlighten us with the user's writing skills. This is exactly what was written; FrogN has changed nothing. She did not have to. (By the way, FrogN would just like to say that she attended the same school as the person who wrote this entry. He has no mental disabilites. English is his first language and the only language he knows. FrogN would not have posted this were one of these reasons the cause.)

"Date: Nov 4, 2008 10:38 PM
Subject: GOD Help your

Body:

Country, Because it gone to hail in a hand

bag. Snice Obama got elect president. I

cann't belive people would rather have

someone who will not put his hand over heart

during the Pleadge to Flag and also who

things kill unborn babys is ok. John McCain

as president at least i know he is really from

the US. Obama is not a natural US citzen so

there the election is Void no good. Which John

McCain will win. Let me know what you think."

FrogN will now write it with her own commentary in blue italics below each line.

Date: Nov 4, 2008 10:38 PM
Subject: GOD Help your
Body:
Country, Because it gone to hail in a hand

"GOD Help your" is attached to "Country," so what he means is "God, help your country because..." FrogN did not realize this was the case at first and was soundly confused. Also, even though 'hail' and 'hell' sound very much alike, FrogN promises that their meanings are completely different.

bag. Snice Obama got elect president. I

"Snice" is one of two things: either "It's nice" said very rapidly (which FrogN seriously doubts considering the remainder of his entry) or "Since" mispelled; FrogN will go with the "Since" option. FrogN does not even know what to say regarding "got elect."

cann't belive people would rather have

FrogN will hope that "cann't" is merely the person typing too quickly and not actually how he thinks that word is supposed to be spelled. The term "belive" also speaks for itself.

someone who will not put his hand over heart

Heart? Which heart? His heart? FrogN's heart? FrogN wishes this person would use pronouns!

during the Pleadge to Flag and also who

...pleadge?

things kill unborn babys is ok. John McCain

Anyone reading this, stop right now and speak the first portion of this line, "Things kill unborn babys is ok." Gah! FrogN literally does not know where to start with that butchered sentence. Anyone reading this thus far, who understands FrogN's humor, has displayed enough intelligence for them to figure out the grammatical errors themselves.

as president at least i know he is really from

the US. Obama is not a natural US citzen so

FrogN may not know much about politics, but she does know that if a person is not a "natural US citzen," he or she is not allowed to run for presidency. Period.

there the election is Void no good. Which John

McCain will win. Let me know what you think.

FrogN believes that "Which John McCain will win," should be read like a question; the author makes it sound like there are two John McCain's running and only one has lost thus far. And now, FrogN has soundly said what she thinks and is letting anyone reading this know.

Moving On Up

2009-08-24T12:04:00.000-07:00

Recently, one of FrogN's coworkers left in order to move on to bigger and better things. This means, after three years, FrogN has a desk! FrogN has always wanted a desk, so this makes her very happy. (She's happy that she has a desk, not that Six-Eyes has left.) Well, FrogN set about the daunting task of making some semblance of order out of the top of Six-Eyes's old desk. Some of the more interesting articles she has found are (1) a palm frawn cross that FrogN made (even though FrogN is not technically Catholic), (2) several fast food toys, (3) a picture of the front of Six-Eyes's church from when she was married (FrogN will probably mail this to Six-Eyes), and (4) a bag of butterscotch lifesavers. FrogN does not know how long they have been in there, but they are delicious. Also, a perk comes with this new position: free computer accessories! FrogN's readers are now going, "Really? They give you computer equipment for personal use at a library upon receiving a desk?" Short answer: no. One of the buildings near the library threw out a computer monitor sometime this morning. FrogN's boss found it, and FrogN had him fish it out. After confirming that it does in fact work (minus several small splotches in the lower left corner that are purely cosmetic and do not impede operation), FrogN is debating on which lucky family member will be receiving it for Christmas.

Laugh and Lock Out

2009-07-27T14:10:00.000-07:00

It's been an extremely busy day at work; so busy, in fact, that for the first several hours the library was open, no one had time to unlock the second door (the library has two glass doors side by side; one must unlock one door in order to unlock the second). This was due to the fact that one overly excited patron arrived promptly at 8:00, so Six-Eyes had to rush to let him in. No one ever got around to unlocking the other door, and for the rest of the day, FrogN and Six-Eyes have enjoyed watching people run into the still locked door. It reminds FrogN of goldfish in a small tank. She is currently sitting at the front desk, typing this entry, and waiting for someone to slam into the door again.

The Listening Device is Evil

2009-07-24T14:03:00.001-07:00

As FrogN's beloved readers know, she works at a library; this means that in addition to helping people who are actually in the library, she and her coworkers must also assist patron via the listening device which humans have named the "telephone." Well, for some unfathomable reason, the directory for the listening device is completely incapable of listing the correct number for the library. Many a time, someone has questioned the registration times of the elementary, middle, and high schools in the local area. A question that has plagued FrogN and her followers is caused by the fact that people find our library's number, from God only knows where, but only for the purpose of questioning what a different library's number is. The workers of the library ask now, "How can they find OUR number, but not the other's?" More than a few telemarketing calls take place in the library; the library receives calls about cable, satellite, free television offers, and one automated call desperately trying to get the library staff to convert to Christianity (FrogN answered that one). The library receives so many of these types of calls that at some point, FrogN just started hanging up on them; in one instance, this was not the appropriate course of action because the presumed telemarketer turned out to be a very solemn speaking patron who immediately called back none too pleased. FrogN's all time favorite listening device conversation occurred when a patron called for the sole purpose of requesting to know who the four presidents were, who are located on Mount Rushmore (they are, George Washington, Teddy Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln, and Thomas Jefferson if anyone cares). All in all, the patrons who call the library rather than visit have simple questions to answer: What time do you close? Where are you located? Are you open weekends? It is not infrequent that patrons call to have their materials renewed; FrogN has never minded renewing materials for patrons...until one day...

FrogN: "May I help you?"

Patron: "Yes, this is (insert crazy lady name here), and I was wondering if you could renew my books for me."

FrogN: "Of course; do you have your card number with you?"

Patron gives card number, items are renewed, etc.

FrogN: "Okay, they'll be due three weeks from today."

Patron: "Thank you so much; I just couldn't get down there today. I've got the runs."

And now, FrogN says to her beloved readers, "WHY?!"

Non-Endangered Dolphins and Censored Animal Planet

2009-07-01T07:05:00.000-07:00

Recently, FrogN went on a family vacation to Disney World. First off, the hotel in which FrogN and her family stayed was decorated with court jesters: two life-size figures in the hotel lobby and one grinning face outside, above the entryway. While FrogN's parental units checked into the hotel, FrogN and Squishy perused the postcards in the gift shop. One card that jumped out at FrogN featured leaping dolphins with little-known facts, one which stated that, prior to popular belief, dolphins are not an endangered species.
Well, about four days into the vacation, it began to rain, and FrogN's mother, prepared for anything, jammed her beloved family into clear, plastic ponchos. The ponchos were clingy, hard to put on, and leaking. As FrogN's family wandered through Magic Kingdom, FrogN and Squishy made fun of the unhelpful ponchos. "I'm wet." "It's because the rain's blowing sideways." "This is a waste of plastic; we're just going to throw these away when we take them off." "Yeah, and they'll end up clogging the oceans and lakes." "And they'll get stuck over dolphin's blow holes, and they'll die." "Yeah, but no one will care because they're not an endangered species." And this was the point at which FrogN's mother said, "They are endangered," and Squishy replied, "The postcard said they weren't." "Well, do you believe everything you read?" "...mom, have you been watching animal planet again? You known, you're not supposed to unless you're supervised."
FrogN's mother is not allowed to watch Animal Planet due to the fact that on the way to church she began talking about exploding sperm whales (if the gases inside of the whale are allowed into the air after death, an explosion will occur). "No!" "Well, than, how do you know they're endangered?" "..." And to help FrogN's mother understand, Squishy ended our beloved conversation with, "You know mom, DoDo's arent endangered either; they're extinct."

It's all About Tradition

2009-06-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

Every family has its own traditions, and FrogN's family is no exception. In FrogN's family, on Christmas, lasagna is always eaten with one grandmother and butt-shots are taken with (or more usually by) the other. The butt-shot is a long running family tradition dating all the way back to when FrogN's mother was a little girl. Why, what exactly is a butt-shot? A butt-shot is the picture that every family has, whether it knows it or not, of someone half-crawled under the tree, dragging presents out, with only their rear ends showing. FrogN's grandmother is a big picture taker, so for every Christmas for the last umpteen years, FrogN's mother and aunt have had the privelege of having their butt-shots taken. Well, last Christmas, FrogN's aunt's bodyfriend was invited over for Christmas. FrogN's grandmother explained to him the tradition and even went so far as to "entrust" him with the responsibility of taking that year's butt-shots. Well, FrogN's mother and aunt made a conscious effort to keep from bending over and succeeded in going through all of Christmas without presenting to him the opportunity to have their butt-shots taken. Needless to say, they were very proud of their accomplishment...until FrogN's grandmother developed the film and found that in order to compensate, every single picture on the film was of a butt. Ah, tradition.

Crabs' Deaths

2009-06-19T14:29:00.000-07:00

Today was a somewhat slow day at work, so FrogN decided to make a new friend. This is Pierre. Pierre would like to introduce himself. Pierre says, "Ello. My name es Pierre. It eez nice to meet you. Zee? I smile. :)"

Unfortunately, due to a soap and water related incident, Pierre is no longer with us. The loss of hand-crab Pierre reminded FrogN of when FrogN and Squishy were given hermit crabs for Christmas. After receiving the hermit crabs, they each crawled out of their shells and hid inside of their small plastic hut (which was there to remind the crabs of their natural habitat, along with the smiling caricature crabs playing volleyball on the side of the habitat). Upon researching possible solutions to this problem, a site was found advertising, "Help! My hermit crab's naked!" or something along those lines. FrogN was shocked and appalled by the method advertised; the site recommended, "taking a toothpick and nudging or tapping the crab back into its shell." This is the equivalent of repeatedly bludgeoning a human in the head with a broom handle every time he or she tries to leave their home.

To Oz

2009-03-24T13:20:00.000-07:00

FrogN would like to point out that she is not the only one in her family who has done stupid things. In order to prove this, FrogN would like to tell the tale of FrogN's maternal unit. To fully understand this, one must first understand that FrogN's maternal unit has exited the house on more than one occasion with shoes of different colors. Due to the frequency of this, FrogN's maternal unit has gotten into the habit of checking her shoes at the door before she leaves the house. Well, last week, she forgot. Apparently she left the house, got to work, got out of the car, and looked down to see one black and one navy blue shoe. Thinking to "rectify the situation" she went into her office and took out a black sharpie. Unfortunately, the sharpie did not change the shoe's color to black so much as a golden-bronze. Desperate, she repeated the process on the navy shoe, resulting in a matching pair of Dorothy-like shoes. So upset was FrogN's maternal unit that she immediately fled to Wal-mart and purchased a new pair of shoes. Unfortunately, due to her hurry, she left her ID card sitting on her desk, and she had to call one of her coworkers to let her in, pointedly excluding the fact that she'd unintentionally bronzed her shoes. Well, her day went normally from there, and she came home where upon FrogN and Squishy saw the shoes. They forced her to tell the tale, and laughed appropriately. Since FrogN and Squishy's father was fishing at the time, he missed this entertainment. The day after he came home, Frogn was kind enough to inform him of what he had missed. Now, every time he sees FrogN's maternal unit he says, "And Toto, too!" And Squishy kept the shoes to wear to school.

Cooking with FrogN

2009-03-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

FrogN's sister, Squishy, has decided that she would like to become a French pastry chef and attend culinary school in France. This has gotten FrogN to thinking about her own culinary endeavors, and FrogN has decided to share some of the more humorous ones with her beloved audience.

Microwave
FrogN's family was on vacation at the beach one year, and (FrogN does not remember why) her parents were away, and she and Squishy were left alone in the hotel room. Well, FrogN decided she was hungry, and -it being a hotel room and all- there were not a lot of food options. FrogN finally decided on a Pop-tart; however, -it being a hotel room and all- there was no toaster, so FrogN decided to microwave it. You know those instructions on the back of packages that say things and people go, "Who'd be dumb enough to do that?" Hello, this is FrogN; those instructions are for her. Instead of finding a proper plate to put them on -it being a hotel room and all- FrogN simply opened the package and carefully set it in the microwave. Immediately, the wrapper shrank to fit the Pop-tarts and began liquifying and the microwave started making noises from a Sci-fi movie. Please keep in mind for future reference that Squishy watched this entire process and, upon questioning FrogN, FrogN replied, "It didn't LOOK like a metal."

Waffle Iron
FrogN purchased a Bugs Bunny waffle iron from a thrift store for less than three dollars. Since her monumental purchase, she has used it a grand total of three times. For her latest attempt, Squishy was present. Due to much goading on behalf of both parties involved, blue food coloring was added to the waffle mix, resulting in bright teal waffles. This in itself was not funny. The conversation between Squishy, FrogN, and their grandmother the next day was.

FrogN: "We made blue waffles yesterday."

Grandmother: "Oh, blueberry waffles?"

Squishy: "No. BLUE waffles."

Oven
FrogN likes pizza; it is a delectable pie that can be eaten as a meal and is relatively simple to fix...for anyone other than FrogN. One day, while FrogN's parents were out, FrogN decided to make a pizza. FrogN took the plastic wrapper off of the pizza, placed the pizza on a cooking pan, placed the pan in the oven at 420, and let it bake for twenty minutes. After the alotted time, FrogN removed the pizza from the oven, set it on top of the stove, and attempted to cut the pizza into slices. FrogN only then realized that she had cooked the pizza with the cardboard still underneath. FrogN required a plastic spatula, a steak knife, the pizza cutter, a fork that ended up bending, and a slight swinging motion on the part of FrogN to get the cardboard detached from the pizza. Squishy laughed through FrogN's entire ordeal with the pizza seperation and forgot to add Pam to the bottom of her brownie pan, thus making it impossible to separate the brownies from the pan. FrogN has decided that karma does indeed exist.

Microwave: The Sequel
Now, remember how FrogN said to remember that Squishy was there while FrogN maimed her Pop-tart? Here is why. Some time after returning home from vacation, there was a leftover Arby's sandwich in the refrigerator, and Squishy was hungry. Well, Squishy decided that she would microwave her sandwich, but didn't want to go to the trouble of getting a plate, so Squishy simply stuck it in the microwave. Well, the microwave made the Sci-fi noises, but instead of shrinking/melting the wrapper, it spontaneously combusted. FrogN watched the entire process, and (after putting the flaming burger out, of course) stated, "Because it didn't LOOK like a metal! Right?!" to which Squishy replied, "Exactly!"

Note: All of the food that was cooked (admitedly, strangely) was eaten by FrogN and Squishy with no known ill effects.

Ramblings

2008-10-09T08:56:00.000-07:00

(Initial rambling) FrogN has been thinking of past events and happenings and has decided to share one of them that she finds humorous with her loyal readers.

FrogN will speak of one of FrogN's friend's maternal parental unit's skewed observations. FrogN's friend (we shall call FrogN's friend KT; aren't those nice letters?) had FrogN over to her house one afternoon. While FrogN was visiting KT, KT mentioned that KT's mother thought FrogN was a goth. Now, even though FrogN has had little experience with people who consider themselves goths, (while FrogN has no problem with goths; all those people at Hot Topic where anime is sold to FrogN are nifty) she does not consider herself to be a goth by any stretch of the imagination. (In fact, it is near impossible to put FrogN into any sort of category because FrogN is unlike any other person one would ever happen to meet. Also, categories are like boxes, and FrogN does not like to be in boxes; please refrain from putting FrogN in a box.) FrogN then asked KT as to why KT's mother thought FrogN was a goth. KT responded, "Because you have long, dark hair and always wear a black hoodie." FrogN finds this to be funny; FrogN has naturally dark hair and wears her hair long because she has always worn her hair long except for once, when it was unpleasantly short and tickled the back of FrogN's neck. FrogN does wear her black hoodie much of the time; it is warm and soft and was on sale at Wal-mart.

(Conclusive rambling) About two weeks ago, FrogN and Squishy (for those who have forgotten, Squishy is FrogN's junior sibling by five years) were at Wal-mart. While standing in line to check out at Wal-mart, Squishy was asked by the person directly in front of her if they were twins. This was not the first time it occurred; in fact, last month the question was asked by an employee at Best Buy and by several random people at the mall. FrogN is confused. First off, is this something that is normally asked? Do people normally go up to real twins whom they have never met and ask them if they are twins? If so, FrogN would like to be the first to say that that sort of behavior is utterly bizarre. Also, FrogN does not see how she and Squishy could be mistaken for twins; in addition to the age gap, FrogN and Squishy have different eye and hair color, skin tone, and face shape. FrogN will conclude this rambling by saying that as a direct result of this confusion, FrogN and Squishy have made the conscious decision to be twins from this point on.

Fall

2008-09-19T12:59:00.000-07:00

For today's point of interest, FrogN would like to discuss 'Fall'.

First of all, it is the only season that requires both a casual and formal address: Fall in addition to Autumn. There is really no point in this.

Next, there is the change in temperature. FrogN finds the utmost horror in putting on a jacket that she has not worn in eight months only to pull a hand out filled with peppermint wrappers and used tissue.

Lastly, let us not forget that with the changing of the temperatures comes the changing of the trees: those horrible, sadistic trees. Many people find the color changes of the trees marvelously beautiful; FrogN is not one of them. The changing of the leaves is a warning; "Ha ha, foolish humans, you must now rake up all of these dead pieces of me or else your lawn will become slippery and develop a strange smell." Has anyone other than FrogN stopped to think about that. Fallen leaves are the tree equivalent of dead skin cells of a human, dandruff. Also, the tool which is used to collect dead leaves, a rake, is itself a ridiculously large and badly developed fork. This is just something that FrogN thought you would enjoy thinking about this time next month when all of you humans are outside forking up tree dander. Enjoy.

Cruel, Cruel Patrons

2008-07-30T11:51:00.001-07:00

FrogN would just like to start off by saying that these events actually took place and are by no means imaginary.

First of all, FrogN would like to tell the tale of a patron; FrogN shall dub this patron 'Billy the Cable Guy'. Well, Billy the Cable Guy is mentally retarded (FrogN is not joking or making fun of anyone that is retarded; or calling him retarded because of having done something stupid; he really is mentally retarded) and comes into the library at least once a day, and calls the library several times wanting to know whether or not any of the movies that he has ordered have come in yet. Because of his frequent visits, those working at the library are fully aware of his wardrobe. One day those working at the library became acquainted with one of his newly acquired pieces of clothing. Apparently someone felt it would be humorous to give Billy the Cable Guy a shirt that read, 'I'm not drunk; I'm just special.'

Secondly, there are a set of twins that practically live in the library. No one at the library can pronounce their names or remember which name goes with which twin; they are called 'Good Twin' and 'Evil Twin' due to the fact that one is more evil than the other. FrogN is unable to tell them apart and must therefore ask them whenever they come in, "Are you the good twin or the evil twin?" The twins wander around the city and come into the library quite often. Sad to say, but FrogN is rarely happy to see the twins. Bad Twin is very loud and bossy; whereas, Good Twin isn't loud or obnoxious or anything like that; she simply WILL NOT LEAVE! Both have a habit of staring off into space, even when talking to someone and one gets the feeling when talking to them that they aren't fully aware. Well, one day another patron came into the library and sat next to Good Twin on the couch. Good Twin started a conversation with the other patron by commenting on how it was not good to talk to strangers (the twins are about fourteen and very tiny), and the conversation progressed until, very abruptly, Good Twin asks, "Do you eat people?"

Next, we will be discussing, not necessarily a patron, but an acquaintance of FrogN: Mr. Smelley. For one month over the summer, every Wednesday, FrogN, Mr. Smelley, and one of FrogN's coworkers, Six-Eyes (called this because in addition to wearing glasses, she always has a pair of sunglasses perched atop her head at any given time), went to the Elementary school to read to the children. Well, one day Mr. Smelley doesn't show up. FrogN and Six-Eyes wait and wait and wait. Six-Eyes calls Mr. Smelley. FrogN calls Mr. Smelley. He doesn't answer. The time to begin comes and goes. Finally, word comes in from Mr. Smelley; he fell asleep, but is coming. FrogN and Six-Eyes start reading without him. After twenty minutes FrogN and Six-Eyes have finished reading, talked about getting a library card, and have even stalled for time by speaking with the teachers. Mr. Smelley never shows up. The two leave the school and head back towards the library; it is at this time that Mr. Smelley strolls around the corner.

FrogN would like to take the time to tell about the other people that she works with. Everyone now is aware of Six-Eyes; Six-Eyes' mother and brother are also librarians. FrogN calls Six-Eye's brother, 'Bruno' because the first time FrogN met the brother, he was wearing a Bruno's shirt and for some reason FrogN assumed that was his name. Another coworker is Doctor Bucks (the resident medical expert and caffeine addict); Doctor Bucks is of an unknown age because she has deleted it from her file, but she is old enough to have white hair. Her mother lives with her; I love her mother (Mother May I: MMI). The telephone conversations between MMI and Doctor Bucks are never dull, especially when FrogN can only hear one end of the coversation. Allow FrogN to elaborate:

"No mother." slaps forehead "You don't NEED to make dinner." stares blankly "He can find something to eat. I promise." bangs head on desk

And this is the point at which FrogN will stop for now; her coworkers are reading this over her shoulder and patrons are starting to come in.

Graduation isn't for everyone

2008-05-16T14:41:00.001-07:00

Okay, let FrogN start off by saying that FrogN is PISSED! Not angry, not upset. PISSED! FrogN, who was deemed Salutatorian in her graduating class, (no; this is not what FrogN is upset about!) and the person that was named Valedictorian (we shall call him Block) were supposed to give speeches yesterday at the graduation ceremony. FrogN was the only one to give a speech. The cause for this was, for reasons beyond his control, Block did not graduate. FrogN's school's Valedictorian did not graduate! FrogN knows that she has confused some poor souls out there...if anyone is reading this, so she will explain.

(Flashback)
It all started in FrogN's middle school; she and three others (Block being included) were chosen to take an algebra course normally offered the freshman year at high school and were reassured that this class would count as a transferable credit to the high school. Well, FrogN did not finish the course (she did not understand what was going on and went back to a regular math class), and the two others that did finish the course have since left FrogN's school system. Bottom line: Block is the only one left who took the course in middle school, not high school, and has remained enrolled in the same school system.
(End Flashback)

Well, the people that promised that the credit was transferable have since left the school system. Block took three years of high school math believing that his fourth credit had already been achieved while still in middle school. Is everyone still with FrogN? Block has taken the EXACT same number of classes as FrogN (in fact the only difference is that FrogN took two math classes her freshman year and Block only had to take one). Well, Calculus was not offered at FrogN's school this year; therefore, neither FrogN nor Block took a math class this passed year. Come to find out, two months before school lets out, Block's credit has not been transferred over from the middle school! Rather than fixing this obvious blunder on THEIR part, they tell poor Block to take a calculus course online. Has anyone ever taken a course online? It. is. hard. For the passed two months, Block has been spending all of his spare time (and for the last couple of weeks, all of his time) desperately trying to finish a course that one normally has a year to complete. During finals, he had ten (not exaggerating) tests in addition to his final exam to be taken online. He had no time to prepare for each test and had to rush through everything just to finish; needless to say, he did not pass. Since he did not pass the online math course, the fourth and final credit he needed in order to graduate was not given to him. And THAT is why this year's Valedictorian did not graduate. NOT his fault!

Thank you for reading FrogN's rant; she just needed to vent her pent up rage at the unfairness administered to her long time rival.

Alliteration, Peppers, Footnotes, and the Introduction of Captain Australia

2008-01-21T18:25:00.000-08:00

(1) FrogN and FrogN's classmates were at school the other day(2); We were in our English class and we came across the term 'alliteration'(3). FrogN and FrogN's classmates struggled to remember the short rhyme 'Peter Piper'. Finally, one of the aforementioned classmates remembered the correct verse: Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A classmate by FrogN asked, "Did Peter Piper partake of the peck of picked pickled peppers?" After FrogN heard this, she smiled and replied to her surrounding classmates, "Peter Piper puked a peck of picked pickled peppers."(4)

(1). FrogN's teacher...whom shall be called Captain Australia...told FrogN and FrogN's classmates that we did not know what footnotes were. Captain Australia went on and on about 'how could we possibly not know what a footnote was?' and 'You should have learned this; I can't believe that no one's taught ya'll how to use footnotes!' In order to disprove Captain Australia's little tantrum, FrogN has decided to use footnotes in this blog entry.

(2). FrogN says 'the other day' because she does not remember when exactly this was...FrogN would also like to point out that 'the other day' is a very unhelpful phrase to use because there are many days other than the current one, so how on earth would you know which 'other day' that 'the other day' refers to?

(3). alliteration-The repetition of the same consonant sound at the beginning of two or more words (i.e. Waves want to be wheels…) ...FrogN did not make up that example; it was the first definition that appeared on google when alliteration was typed in...

(4). FrogN would just like to say that this whole entry was to prove that the occupants of FrogN's school do in fact know how to use footnotes, THANK YOU! and we do not need to be lectured by Captain Australia about not knowing something that we do in fact know.

Volunteers, Mice, Cookies, and a Butler

2007-12-26T10:21:00.000-08:00

Things one needs to know before reading blog entry: FrogN plans to become a teacher. Every summer, the library where FrogN works has a reading program.

Something that all should know: volunteers cause problems. The beings who volunteer at FrogN's place of employment are of no help. For the most part, the volunteers come in, eat all of the chocolate out of FrogN's beloved chocolate drawer, play on the internet rather than actually work, and push the books to the backs of the shelves...never push the books to the backs of the shelves in a library. They look better when they are at the front where they belong and when they get pushed to the back, someone has to pull them to the front again. Usually this job befalls FrogN and this takes a very long time. If FrogN ever catches anyone pushing the books to the backs of the shelves, she will add a fine to their card and prevent them from using the computers. Do not doubt FrogN; FrogN does not lie about such matters.

FrogN had mentioned earlier that the library should have a set list of things that the volunteers were allowed to do and had also mentioned that the library should have a reading program over the winter holiday month. The answer that FrogN came up with is as follows: have the volunteers read stories to the children while they are here. The volunteers could even ask the children questions if they so wanted. Well, FrogN was shelving books (putting books on the shelves where they belong; something that volunteers also do not do correctly) when she came upon the book When You Give a Mouse a Cookie. One of FrogN's coworkers asked what kinds of questions FrogN would ask the children about that book if she were the one reading the story. FrogN's answer is this: "I'd ask questions that have anything to do with either a mouse or a cookie. What is the main ingredient in a cookie? Or, for that matter, what is the main ingredient in a mouse?"

FrogN now would like you to ponder...what IS the main ingredient in a mouse? There has to be an answer somewhere. FrogN is completely serious. What could possibly be the most prominent elemental makeup in the anatomy of a mouse? This is a Jeeve's question...but Jeeve's is no more...a moment of silence for the fallen butler.

When You Give a Girl a Computer

2007-08-06T07:47:00.000-07:00

FrogN's little sister (FrogN's little sister will be known as 'Squishy' from this point on.) is starting a new school in a week; she will be going for creative writing. Because of this FrogN's family decided she needed a computer. On Friday FrogN and her family went to Best Buy to buy a computer that they'd seen in the paper on sale. Best Buy did not have the correct monitor for the package that FrogN's family wanted; to compensate for this, FrogN's family bought the CPU, printer, speakers, etc. for the package along with a flatscreen monitor for about the same price. When FrogN and her family got home with it they came to realize that Squishy would require a computer desk for the computer since the desk she had was far too small. Off FrogN's parents went looking for a desk. (FrogN did not go; she slept late on Saturday. Sleeping is nice.) Wal-mart was no good. K-mart was a lost cause. Target was lacking. The Big Lots had one that Squishy deemed acceptable. Well, FrogN's family got it home and assembled the desk in the front room. A new difficulty soon arose; the space for the desk was not large enough. In order for the new desk to fit, FrogN and her family had to move Squishy's entertainment system and chest-of-drawers. In order to move the entertainment system, they first had to move several boxes of books. Well, they finally managed to squeeze the new desk into the space. After the desk was put in, Squishy decided she would require a bookcase for her now homeless books. On Sunday, FrogN's parents bought Squishy a bookcase. There was a problem with this; there was nowhere to put a bookcase in Squishy's room. In order for the bookcase to fit, FrogN and Squishy moved a basket full of stuffed animals, boxes of shoes, and many other random things into the hall and the center of Squishy's room. After shelving the books, FrogN and Squishy were left with all of Squishy's possessions to readmit into her room. FrogN's mother cleaned out the top of Squishy's closet; (do not ask FrogN where the items in the top of Squishy's closet disappeared to because FrogN does not know) this allowed many of the boxes and stuffed animals to be placed inside the closet. Many random bits and pieces were left even after the boxes were put away. FrogN and Squishy are still trying to reorganize Squishy's room in order to make it all fit.

Wardrobe Malfunctions

2007-08-02T08:28:00.000-07:00

I would like to discuss clothing. Human clothing is strange and sometimes painful.

Let us talk about the thong. Once upon a time flipflops were known as 'thongs'. Now a thong is a piece of very expensive teeny tiny underwear. What caused this drastic change?

Bling bling for the ding-a-ling, grills: jewelry for your teeth. Enough said.

Winter clothing is confusing. Scarves are easily portable nooses, and mittens should be known as 'hand socks'. That's all there is to it.

Shoes. Oh, FrogN knows not from where to begin. Shoes with spikes for heels. Who among us has not seen some woman walking down the street, flouncing what she's got, acting mighty and looking down on those around her, only to get a heel stuck in metal grating?

Vocational Hazards

2007-08-01T08:20:00.000-07:00

FrogN has a job! She works at a library. She works in the children's section. She is a 'page' or 'library assistant'. FrogN prefers being known as a page.

"See FrogN work.
FrogN works hard.
Work, FrogN, work."

FrogN has decided that children are scary. Children come into the library for books, obviously; however, some children come in and refuse to leave. FrogN will refer to these children as the 'leechlings'. A group of the leechlings come in every day at least twice. They order books, movies, and cds from other libraries in addition to our own. At least three of the leechlings have usable cards. There is no limit as to how many cds and books one can check out on a single card; the leechlings know this. They check out five or six books each when they come in and then return them on their next visit. There is a limit to the number of dvds one may check out though: five. The leechlings check out five movies each time. But, after being checked out, if another leechling without a card pops up with a movie they like better, they have FrogN check in one of the movies FrogN has just checked out so that they may check out the movie for the cardless leechling. Also, they have lists of movies they would like FrogN to order for them. After ordering the movies, the leechlings have FrogN go back and read what they have on hold. More often than not, they ask FrogN to cancel a hold she has just put on because the eldest leechling says she does not want to have more than fifteen holds at a time (she has twenty-one as of right now). Yet another trait of the leechlings is that they always want to know if anything's come in for them. Example:

Disclaimer: WARNING! What you are about to read has actually happened. This is no joke, work of fiction, or stretching of the truth. This. is. real!

leechling: "Has anything come in for me?"

FrogN: "Like what?"

leechling: "My movies."

FrogN: "Well, what movies did you order?"

leechling: "Saw, Saw 2, Saw 3, and The Little Mermaid."

FrogN: "...no, they haven't come in."